Thursday, December 20, 2012

Things you should know about being pregnant

I have been thinking about writing this post for a few weeks. Because there are a lot of things that I have learned since being pregnant that I only learned because I am pregnant and then asked about it.

Early Pregnancy (you know, from when you find out through the half baked). Let's do this from the top of my body down shall we.
  • the smells. Oh the smells. Things started to bother me around week 7 or 8. And they were random. They still are. At the beginning, I couldn't stand the smell of bacon - which was a problem because we had more than 3 pounds of it in the freezer. And the smell of my sweet husband's sweat. Oh lord was it awful when he came home from the gym. I used to leave the room... As the weeks pass, the smells that bother me change too. My sweet husband doesn't bother me anymore. But eggs do. The smells of eggs being cooked makes me swoon and nauseous. And I thought it was just the smell, but I tried to eat them the other day and it was just as bad.
  • the mucus. From anywhere my body can create it. I thought I had a cold for the first few weeks of school (end of the first trimester). Turns out that making a baby creates more mucus in your body. So I have more snot. Regularly. At first I thought I had a cold. Or the nicest flu ever! But I was never physically uncomfortable. I never had any sinus pressure. I would wake up in the morning with a sore throat from nasal drip. And when I found out it was normal and it was baby girl's doing, the mucus stopped bothering me.
  • the boobs. Oh Lord the boobs. These aren't my boobs. They haven't been my boobs since early September. They just started growing. And they won't stop. I have gone up two cup sizes already. And I think they are still growing. Completely INAPPROPRIATE BEHAVIOR!
  • the leaks. Hahaha, not from my boobs yet. Everyone tells you that you will have to pee. That's common knowledge. For me, the worst part is that sometimes after having gone to the bathroom, there is an extra drop. Not enough to feel like I have peed myself. But enough to be kinda gross.
  • the dogs. They are weird about this whole baby thing. Well, not Misty. Mostly because I don't think she is aware of anything outside of the four of us right now - and Colleen & Ken. But Bones???? He is aware that things they are a changing. He knew first. He kept checking out my downstairs and sniffing around. It was different first. It made me uncomfortable. It still makes me uncomfortable thinking about it.
  • the farts (not bothersome, but funny). If you don't like talking about things that happen in the bathroom... well then I don't know what you are doing on my blog honestly. I love talking about the things that happen in the bathroom. Lordy, can I clear a room. Dairy was always my ammunition, but now, I am fully loaded all the time. And there is nothing silent about them. I farted sitting at the dining room table, and the dogs ran to the front door barking to see who knocked. Yup. That's right. I am very talented.  
Middle Pregnancy (you know, the middle trimester, DUH). 
  • my belly button. Or what's left of it. I used to be able to put my pinky finger pretty deep in there. Not gross deep. But way deeper than now. At this point, there is very little depth left in my belly button. It is still an innie, but not for much longer....
  • afternoon heartburn. So much and so often. It started slowly. And I thought it was after eating fruit - which infuriated me. Also, I noticed it more at night than any other time of the day, but it gradually moved earlier and earlier. There were a few days recently where I was popping them like candy every few hours. Gross. But then I realized that when I cut back on the candy (specifically chocolate), I have less heartburn.
  • the sweat. I can't believe how much I am going to tell you, but it's true. My feet sweat constantly. All the time. It was 7:30 this morning, and my shoes were soaked. Gross. My shoes look like I have been walking in puddles. And then recently, I got sweaty palms. Not in the dripping from my fingers sense, just forever clammy. Like I forgot to wipe off my hands after washing.  
  • having to pee... when I don't. This is the most common symptom. Everyone knows about this. It's funny, I can generally resist the urge to use the bathroom until I am at least a half tank full.
  • reaching my feet. seriously. Tie your shoes right now. I can't do that the same way you do. I can't lean over my knees and tie my shoes. I have to sit on the stairs and put one foot over my other knee and tie my shoes sideways. Or, the easier way, shoes without laces.
  • my crotch. is an overshare. You remember the farts from before? This is worse. I don't know the last time I saw it. It has been awhile. It is also inappropriately warm down there. So warm. In a swampy kind of way. There are times when I thought I had peed myself. I didn't. I was swampy. Because of this phenomenon, I have to be in pants. Otherwise I chafe. Really. Gross. And uncomfortable.
Let's talk maternity pants.
Yup, this gets its own list. They are that bad. Let's talk about my murderous rage when it comes to wearing pants right now. They suck the worst. There are a few options when it comes to pant:
  • Your own pants. You know, the ones you were wearing before you found out you were pregnant. For the first few weeks, they are fine and nothing interesting to report. And then, even though you aren't growing or showing, there is pressure out of nowhere. And so I stopped buttoning my pants. Then I added a hair-tie to help hold them shut. And a D-ring belt. And then I stopped zipping them. And then I knew it was time to move on.
  • Low with a thick elastic band. At the beginning, I LOVED the low pants. The elastic was really comfortable. I felt like myself. I was in my jeans. And they had room to move. I was hoping that I could last the entire rest of the pregnancy in these pants. But I grew...
  • High with no elastic band. Then, I grew (as bellies are want to do when pregs) and the elastic started to dig into my baby. I could handle it at work, but not all day long. But the high pants have nothing actually holding the pants UP! The large elastic part is not form fitting at all and is all elastic. There is no band to actually hold the pants up. Have I been clear about this?
  • And then there are the different brands. I asked around. Everyone has an opinion, and a favorite brand. Some said go with quality since you will be wearing them for half a year, and you will probably wear them again in the future. But I was wearing Target brand pants before I was pregnant. Something about the wear and tear of my pants and the amount I was paying for brand names didn't add up, even before I was thinking about the cost of this baby. So when I was looking for pants, I bought them at Target. But I also tried some from the maternity store. And yea, that was an epic fail. They didn't fit that well. In fact, they fit so badly that the day I wore them to work, I changed after 45 minutes into Colleen's workout pants. Anything would have been better than the crap-tastic pants I was wearing.
  • So what am I wearing now? Yoga pants and leggings. They are both low pants that I can move around. I bought new yoga pants at the beginning of my pregnancy knowing that at some point I would give up on regular pants. I hope that I can find a jean that is comfy again, because I miss pockets after only 4 days. Even my pajama pants have changed a little. I am only wearing pants that sit low and don't have a lot of elastic...

Let's see here... is there anything else I want to tell you? Well yes. I am still here. ME! DEBORAH! I am not just a vessel. I am busy "converting food into a person" (shout out to my genius sister Sarah). But I am still here. I am not okay with people talking to my belly. And I am definitely not okay with people touching my belly without asking for permission. It is MY BODY. And I am carrying this baby INSIDE MY BODY. MY BODY. So please be respectful of ME. Baby Girl is not here yet. Once she is, then you can touch her and love on her. But until then? Remember this:


And really. If you don't like how we feel about it? Then you can be pregnant next time and see how you feel about it. And if that doesn't work for you? Then stop pushing your opinions on me. I don't believe I asked for it, unless you have already had a baby and I emailed you, then I did ask for your opinion, and it has been very helpful.

Know what's coming up soon? Baby showers! In January & February! I am excited to be with people I love and who love this little Baby Girl without worrying if she is brat or not. (We all know she will be at some point in her life, but.... we are were.)

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