Wednesday, December 7, 2011

As Fall turns into Winter

I took today off.  Well, I went to work, but I also left very early.  About 6 hours early.  It was lovely.  I had a wonderful day.  My alarm clock went off.  I took a shower.  I made my husband's lunch.  I went to work and made sub plans.  And then I left.  I finished grading my tests.  And I ran errands.  I mailed packages to soldiers that I know and love, and some that I don't know but still love. 

There was a purpose.  I was going to see the doctor today, but I got what I needed today without my doctor's help.  So long story short, I was very, very late this cycle.  We thought I was pregnant. But 10 tests (slight exaggeration, but only by 4) and blood work confirmed that I was very not pregnant.  And today my body confirmed all those tests.  After the first test (13 days ago) I was sad.  But each test just kept confirming that first answer.  So, while I should be sad because I don't have a baby right now, I am not.  I am excited to try again this month.  In fact, the thing that makes me the happiest is the love I feel from my hubby.  Matt is amazing.  We are in the best place we have ever been.  And this not baby has helped us get here. So while I am sad about the baby that wasn't, I am so much happier in the marriage that is. 

And so, while I should have been sad all day today, it has also rained all day.  I have been listening to the rain since I woke up this morning.  And instead of being sad, it has been so relaxing. Because in order for Spring to bloom, Autumn needs to turn in to Winter. So I hope this rain turns into snow soon. 

I hope that I can always see the flowers through the rainstorm.  


  1. This post moved me a great deal. In fact, your relationship has grown and strengthened so much over the past two years. You are lucky, and you have worked hard. You have found the true meaning of marriage -- and we have been blessed to watch your journey.

  2. This moved me too. To tears. (Little ones, at the corners of my eyes.) I love you, Matt, your not baby, and your future baby, whenever s/he decides the time is right to be a present baby. xoxo

  3. What Sliz said. I've been trying to figure out how to say what I wanted to let you know I love you all and I'm thinking about you, and Eliza came up with the right words. So, I second that.

    Besos, Jules (Still don't know why Google insists I'm "unknown.")

  4. Thank you wonderful friends! I felt all your love and then some!